Quick short story, it's kinda adjacent to the space opera. Sorta.

Never Punt an ET.

The first rule they hammer into you when going outside the Sol system is 'do not punt the ET'. Even if they are annoying. Especially if they are annoying. No matter how much you want to pick up the ET by whatever and drop-kick them away, as far as the local gravity allows. No matter how much the local law types thought the puntee deserved it or how much they are laughing you will be deported back to Sol, There you will spend the rest of your sorry life working off the deportation charges and EarthSec will keep an eye on you forever as well.

There are benefits mind. An entire subculture exists around punting ETs, never mind the legalities and ethics. And as someone bold enough to do it freestyle, while the Goverment takes a dim view, the same cannot be said for the people.

The current ET in question was a Franeck, sort of like a hexapedal, feathered avian about the size of a cat if you've never met one. This one had three juveniles in tow, which is why they were not allowed through the door.

"I demand you let me through." the Franeck squawked at David, a Human wearing the customary pants, striped shirt, paper hat and name tag. 

"Sorry, I cannot let you do that. That is a Giluph zone, they will eat your children." David said.

"That's silly. And my car is just on the other side of this compound. I can just nip thru and be home soon."

"No, you will have to go around," David said, wondering what had possessed this silly ET to park outside a compound of other ETs that would regard her kids as snacks.

"I demand to see your manager!" said the ET stamping it's foot petulantly.

David sniggered, tried not to laugh any more and called his manager.

"Gav here, what is it Dave?" came the reply.

"Got a chook here that wants to feed her kids to the Giluph." David said.

"And Rule 1?" Gavin asked.

"Fine, haven't trod on the kids either," David said.

"I'll be down there," Gavin said and cut the call.

David waited and adamantly refused to let the Franeck through the door. The Franeck threatened him with all sorts of punishments. David tried not to laugh at the ET's acts of aggression. Lose me my job? Fine, he was getting bored with this town, the entire planet come to think of it, go ahead dear. Inform the local authorities? What are they going to do, arrest me for not letting some hungry Giluph eat your kids? Make sure my people know? The nearest human ambassador is schmoozing in Altea VIII, 22 light-years away. That conversation will take some time.

Some time into all this the damn door in question opened with a whiff of rotten eggs and a Giluph floated out on its own personal hover-bed. A Giluph is a

 ochre-coloured sac with tentacles, eyes and orifices. This would be horrifying if they weren't only forty centimetres across. It wafted along and absentmindedly grabbed one of the chicks.

"Halt, honoured sentient, please put the other sentient down," David said.

The Giluph eyes looked around wildly before they turned upwards to meet the Human's. It regarded the nearly two-metre giant looming over it and then looked at the Franeck chick in its tentacles.

'Oh this, hello officer. Apologies, young one, I thought it was a meal' it thought at David.

David grimaced, not being a fan of telepathy, language has nuance, depth and of course you can lie in it so easily. With telepathy, you end up with a feeling of remembering a conversation but with all the feelings left in. Fortunately Giluph, despite their appearance and eating habits were some of the most polite beings in the galaxy. Unfortunately, mental contact also gives those with primitive monkey brains the feeling you have just shaken hands with your tongue. David decided on several drinks after work tonight just to get rid of that effect.

The Giluph also thought something at the chick, which turned round three times and fell over.

'How unfortunate, does this mean I can eat it now?' thought the Giluph. Polite but tasteless. It also had sent this to the mother which immediately launched itself at the other being. In order to protect one being and prevent the other from doing anything, it would later regret David swooped down and picked up the GIluph, float bed and all. This left the mother Franeck attacking his shin and the remaining two chicks running about chirping like mad. It drew quite a crowd some of whom threw coins. When Gav got there he did nothing but record it for a few agonising minutes and then fell over laughing. That did not help matters.

 

Several hours later Gavin and David had managed to ditch the Franecks but had picked up a small entourage of Giluph. They were in the only bar that had seats for humans and were getting steadily drunk as the grotesque ETs bought them round after round in return for being lifted to the dizzying height of two-point something metres.

"What I don't understand, see, is why you guys like this. You all have hover beds. You could go that high and more anytime you wanted." David said. Or at least, attempted to, the sentence coming out as a slurred mess. None of that mattered when talking to a bunch of telepaths. They would have understood charades.

'It is the thrill of being almost totally at the mercy of a savage giant combined with the ability to look down on other beings, something we normally cannot do naturally. And it is fun' thought one.'

"This could be the start of a whole new franchise, Giluph rides," said Gavin.

"Yes, we could have riding booths everywhere, with nametags and paper hats and employee of the month awards," David said.

'You do not like this, but Humans are always wearing paper hats and affixing their names to their clothing.' thought another.

"It's what we do. Some races are great builders, others discover the answers to the cosmos. but Humans? We just wear the paper hats and ask if you want fries as well." said David. 

'You would set us on fire?' thought some, all at once.

"Umm, that didn't come out right. Fries are, are. Hey Bruce, come here for a moment." David said gesturing at the barkeep.

It is a vast Galaxy, full of strange and wondrous things but there are also a few constants. One of these is that if you go to buy alcohol at a bar you will be served by an Australian, most of whom are called Bruce. 

 

"You know mate, my name could be anything." said the Bartender.

"But it is Bruce. Isn't it." David said

"Well yes, it is. And what do you want," said Bruce.

"Could we have some fries to show these gentlebeings what we're talking about?" David said.

 

Bruce took the order and left to make it. Some minutes later he was back with a plate of fries. The Giluph seemed intrigued.

 

'What are they?' thought one. It's extended a tentacle curiously and retracted it quickly when it touched a chip.

 

"Careful they are hot," David said. "They're potato chips, boiled in fat. The process is called frying which is why they're called fries."

 

'What do you do with them?' thought another.

 

"What do you mean? You eat them." David said. The Giluph recoiled.

 

'Voluntarily? No one forces you to consume these, things'

 

"Um no. They're quite tasty," said David. 

The Giluph were unconvinced but in the end, resigned it to the strange category 'Humans'. They requested some more rides before the humans collapsed.